By Tim Shin

December 16, 2016

BEIJING, CHINA — Following recent comments that Trump was “very childish and impulsive” by China’s state-run newspaper, the paper revealed the reason behind these comments: Chinese scientists believe Trump may be suffering from Reverse Benjamin Button Syndrome (RBBS).

The syndrome is diagnosed when a subject’s body continues to age while his or her mind regresses. Now in his 70s, Chinese scientists have claimed that the President-elect’s mental capacity is closer to that of a middle school child.

The research actually began some time ago after analyzing Trump’s prolific Twitter rants since his run for the presidency. Chinese scientists stated that Twitter is a good measure of people’s mental capacity as it represents their thoughts in their rawest form. They concluded that they could not have developed a better screening test.

We interviewed Xing Tao, one of the research scientists responsible for the discovery. He stated that, “Based on Trump’s comments, mannerisms, temper tantrums and grotesque ignorance, we estimated his mental capacity to be around that of an eight-year-old.” Xing Tao, who actually has an eight-year-old daughter, paused and then corrected himself saying, “Actually, my daughter is much more composed and mature than Trump. She is also top of her class in calculus and astrophysics.”

He then turned and looked down at the floor, shook his head, and remarked, “At this point, I really feel like we’re insulting eight-year-olds. My apologies to all these young earthlings around the world.”