By Tim Shin, September 28, 2016
NEW YORK, N.Y. — After initially denying making certain remarks during Monday night’s presidential debate, Trump made an astonishing announcement today by saying he wasn’t even there. A CNN reporter remarked that, “While we’re used to him denying things that we have video records of, this is just unheard of.”
In effort to prove Trump wasn’t at the debate, Trump’s campaign released a convincing photo of Trump giving a speech at a local town hall rally that supposedly took place the same night as the presidential debate.
When questioned, Trump stated, “I was with Melania and we were just prepping for the debate. We were so busy NOT plagiarizing that we completely forgot what day it was and missed the debate entirely.”
He went on to say: “Look, I wasn’t there. I would know if I was there. I have many, many, many friends who know I wasn’t there. They’re all fantastic, fantastic people. And I really like them because they bought my steaks when they were in The Sharper Image. Sure, a few of them got food poisoning, but it’s good business because it teaches people not to buy steaks at an electronics store.”
When shown clear video footage of his presence at the debates, Trump’s only response was that it was something the mainstream media had rigged. He went on to say, “Sure, that guy resembles me, but it wasn’t me. My hair is much, much better. His hair is poor quality — probably made in China.”
Trump ended his remarks saying that if he really had been at the debate, that it would’ve been “Just incredible, just incredible I tell you. I would’ve made so many winning arguments that it would make your head spin. Unlike that Crooked Hillary, who only wins using facts.”
About the author: Tim Shin is a writer and relentless prankster and this article is an obvious parody/satire piece. He is also a revered authored of children’s horror stories. People usually refer to him as the Stephen King of children’s books.