By Tim Shin, October 28, 2016

WASHINGTON D.C. — In a bizarre twist today, Trump announced that the violence occurring at his rallies and on his campaign trail was actually an attempt to unite the country. Reiterating previous comments he made about the nation being “too divided,” Trump stated that he was using reverse psychology on America to show why violence is bad.

Trump explained saying, “When I talk about punching people in the face and you see that exact thing happen at one of my rallies, you can see how painful that it is, right?”

“So you see, I’m teaching people that punching other people hurts and is bad. The more people that get punched and hurt, the more it will become obvious that you shouldn’t punch or hurt other people. So in reality, I’m helping to curb violence. You’re welcome, America.”

A dumbfounded reporter could be seen raising her hand to close her mouth, then went on to ask Trump how that strategy worked when applied to his comments about Mexicans, Muslims, women, POWs, the disabled, African Americans, Iowans and essentially every other group in America that he’s attacked or offended.

Trump replied, “OK, I know you’re a woman so you were going to be sneaky and slip in a question about women. Look, I’m equal opportunity, and I feel these groups should be harassed equally. The more division and violence that we have, the more people will see that it’s bad and it will unite the country.”

Trump then stated that he had to go, but had a parting comment for the reporter saying, “By the way, you’re not my first choice in woman reporters.” The reporter then lunged at Trump seemingly reaching for his hair but was held back by some Trump aides.

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