MAN STATES VIOLENCE AT HIS RALLIES HELPS TO UNITE COUNTRY

trump

(PARODY/SATIRE)

By Tim Shin, October 28, 2016

WASHINGTON D.C. — In a bizarre twist today, Trump announced that the violence occurring at his rallies and on his campaign trail was actually an attempt to unite the country. Reiterating previous comments he made about the nation being “too divided,” Trump stated that he was using reverse psychology on America to show why violence is bad.

Trump explained saying, “When I talk about punching people in the face and you see that exact thing happen at one of my rallies, you can see how painful that it is, right?”

“So you see, I’m teaching people that punching other people hurts and is bad. The more people that get punched and hurt, the more it will become obvious that you shouldn’t punch or hurt other people. So in reality, I’m helping to curb violence. You’re welcome, America.”

A dumbfounded reporter could be seen raising her hand to close her mouth, then went on to ask Trump how that strategy worked when applied to his comments about Mexicans, Muslims, women, POWs, the disabled, African Americans, Iowans and essentially every other group in America that he’s attacked or offended.

Trump replied, “OK, I know you’re a woman so you were going to be sneaky and slip in a question about women. Look, I’m equal opportunity, and I feel these groups should be harassed equally. The more division and violence that we have, the more people will see that it’s bad and it will unite the country.”

Trump then stated that he had to go, but had a parting comment for the reporter saying, “By the way, you’re not my first choice in woman reporters.” The reporter then lunged at Trump seemingly reaching for his hair but was held back by some Trump aides.

 

 

MAN STATES VIOLENCE AT HIS RALLIES HELPS TO UNITE COUNTRY

STUDY FINDS MOST SAN FRANCISCO RESIDENTS SUFFERING FROM STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

san-fran-painted-ladies

(PARODY/SATIRE)

By Tim Shin, October 25th, 2016

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A recent study by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) found that the vast majority of San Francisco residents are suffering from Stockholm syndrome.

Despite being held hostage and repeatedly abused by their landlords and property management companies, most of the 800,000 residents of San Francisco appeared to be willing to pay the absurd and insulting rents currently being charged — sometimes, willingly.

We had an opportunity to interview a San Francisco resident who was paying $3,800 a month for a one bedroom apartment in the SOMA neighborhood. She asked us to call her Susan.

She stated that, “Living in San Francisco is expensive. Everyone knows that. But to have the privilege of living under a landlord who is so caring and concerned about his tenants — it’s so heartwarming.”

When asked to clarify, she went on to say, “Don’t you see? Because of the high rent I pay, it’s really helped me with my budgeting — I literally can’t afford to buy anything else. Plus, with all the power landlords have over their tenants, I’m so beaten down now I’m much less argumentative at work. They even took me off probation!”

As we were about to conclude our interview, we were able to witness an intervention in which Susan’s family and friends attempted to rescue her by taking her to a more affordable apartment. To our surprise, she turned on them — even slapping and biting her rescuers. “What are you doing?” she screamed. “Are you trying to take me to the Tenderloin? I work in tech — I have an image to uphold!”

The APA concluded that the shortage of housing in San Francisco has been escalating the cases of Stockholm syndrome at an alarming rate and that nothing can be done.

STUDY FINDS MOST SAN FRANCISCO RESIDENTS SUFFERING FROM STOCKHOLM SYNDROME